Traditions Matter
As we enter into the holiday season once again, I'm reminded of a time a number of years back when my then sophomore-in-high-school daughter made a comment that surprised me. She said "There is only one Christmas album to play when we are putting up the tree - it has to be Nat King Cole." I actually hadn't even realized that that had become a tradition in our home; I guess the music that we played when decorating the tree didn't have much importance in my mind. But clearly it had become an important tradition to my daughter.
I have my own favorite traditions too. Each year on the day before Thanksgiving I re-live the smells and sounds that took place in the kitchen of my youth as my beloved grandmother sauteed the celery and onions for the stuffing, baked the pies and made the cranberry sauce. I doubt she would have known that this would be such a poignant memory for me, but it is.
This, and what I've learned as I have parented my kids has taught me that rather than drive the traditions and memories that my kids will appreciate and relive, I ask them which ones they hold dear. They often surprise me with what matters most to them and we are sure to include their favorites in our family traditions.
The "Nat King Cole" comment from my daughter surprised me for another reason, too. This interchange occurred during a rather rocky time in our relationship. And because it had appeared that she was emotionally disengaged from the family more than ever before, I found myself surprised that she even wanted this degree of traditionalism in the holiday. She did. In fact it mattered a lot to her. Be careful not to assume that a teenager who appears disengaged won't want to participate in holiday traditions. In fact, the traditions may be just the thing to pull him in and get him to relax, reconnect and enjoy family time.
Ask your teenagers what their favorite memories and traditions are. Do some planning so you can maximize opportunities for your family to be together. You may be surprised to learn that your teen has been yearning for that just as much as you.
I ask Kayla & Caylie this question last night and it was really fun to hear that picking out and cutting down a live tree and watching christmas vacation ranked at our Family Traditions. So What are your family traditions? I think you will enjoy this Good Luck, Steve:)
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