Forwarded Message
From: Sarah Wallace <swallace@westernu.edu>
Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2011 20:48:33 -0800
To: dana wallace <danawallace@comcast.net>
Subject: VLE this weekGood Monday morning to all our VLE friends.
Off we go into another week of our lives. I wonder what this week will bring for each of us. Whatever it is, I know the readers of this column are ready for it. Each of you has so much ability, vision and desire for serving others; I am confident that as leaders (influencers of others), you will make good things happen. Think about the influence that you have on the world around you. Have you ever considered how even the smallest things in life matter? That’s right, the smile for that other person in the hallway, the lift or parking lot; the thank you for that clerk across the counter (especially when you use their first name off their nametag). How about when you take that brief second to hold the door for the person following behind you or hold the elevator for someone whose walking up to the door? In life little things DO become big things, and never is that reality more obvious than with courtesy. Courtesy is kindness in action, it’s patience in action. Sometimes it’s generosity in action. Regardless, it’s all about action. I believe what makes courtesy truly so noteworthy is how it is often dropped from the daily practice of people around us. Today’s world is seemingly high speed in every dimension. From telecommuting to social networking to checking in on line for our flights to working multiple jobs to make ends meet. Just think about how many things you have on your own plate right now. Most people are running pretty hard most of the time. It’s easy to become consumed by our schedule and our to do lists; so preoccupied in fact that kindness and small courtesies are often overlooked as something we don’t really have time for or something that is simply not top of mind. When that happens we lose out on the positive impact of courtesy on our relationships with others and the attendant power and effectiveness of courtesy in making everything in life turn out better. Maybe it’s our preoccupation with our right to be our own person, to be “our own dog”. For decades, many of us in western society have taken up the banner of having “made it” on our own…of not needing anyone else…of being fiercely independent. In so doing, we tend to focus on accomplishment and not on the people around us. While he didn’t mean it as a mantra of self centeredness, Frank Sinatra did tell us that he did it “my way.” I wonder if sometimes when we encounter other people in our life’s path, we subconsciously think the other person is wrong or in some way, less important than us. Perhaps we project devaluing assessments onto them? Could it be that we take note of someone 4-5 steps behind us and in all of our busy-ness, decide it’s not worth holding the door for that person? After all, they are walking too slowly and I have so very much to do today.
When we have those thoughts, let’s remember the Emerson quote: “Life is short but there is always time for courtesy."
Courtesy and it’s first cousin thoughtfulness will, when given freely, change the complexion of nearly any day. Courtesy goes way beyond “please” and “thank you”. It goes on to caring about the folks around you, and showing it. You all remember the definition of caring (being watchfully attentive). It’s what underpins the choice to be emotionally intelligent. It’s about caring enough to want to connect with others.
Are we too busy to give others the attention that helps them know we value them for who they are? They might be a co-worker, a peer, a colleague, a client, a boss, a child, our child, our spouse or even a person who doesn’t even know you but who is never the less a person who faces their own challenges, issues and struggles.
Remember how you feel when you get that special note from someone who remembered a special date, memory or occasion; when you hear from someone who was just checking in with you because they knew you were dealing with a challenging situation; when someone held the door for you? Do you recall the time you needed to talk and someone really listened to you…and they REALLY listened (was present, authentic, attentive, and empathetic)? Remember that all of us are wired into feelings…and all of us might forget what others have said to us or the details of what others have done for us but none of us will soon forget how others made us feel.
As you head into this week, be sure to carry an oversupply of courtesy with you and share it in sincerity wherever you go. We need it. Others need it. H. Jackson Brown promised us that "Everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something." He was right, everyone needs a little help from the people around us. A little courtesy will lift people to heights even they hadn’t imagined!
Now go ring your bell and make it a great week.
***********
“Life is not so short but that there is always time for courtesy.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as is courage.” -- Theodore Roosevelt, 26th U.S. President
“All doors open to courtesy.” – Thomas Fuller
A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” -- Saint Basil
“If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world and that his heart is no island, cut off from other lands, but a continent that joins them.” – Sir Francis Bacon
“We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are willing to give the advantage of a good light.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Always be kinder than necessary because you can never be too kind.” -- Michael Josephson
“When restraint and courtesy are added to strength, the latter becomes irresistible.” – Mohandas Gandhi “There is no outward sign of true courtesy that does not rest on a deep moral foundation.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe “The smaller courtesies sweeten life; the greater embolden it.” -- Christian Bovee ************
Here’s to a wonderful week of growth and excellence, for your patients, your careers, your education, your teammates, your family…and yourself.
